What do you do with a day full of the darkest doubts? Breath it in, let it wash over you, feed the ducks in the park until they start to become a nuisance. Even this is a gift.

The two men sat in the fictional convertible and the older one put his hand on the younger one’s knee. What he told him next ripped through me. I thought about you, alone, and with no way forward.

But, I can change. I can blink. I can alter the pathways and the structure, release the compulsions. I’ve done it before, and I’ll do it again.

This buzzing, this distracted state, the inability to focus – I’m no good to anyone…and I can’t help thinking how far back this goes, all the way to high school chemistry class and the things you taught me under that fume hood.

A weekend like a beer commercial: we held the giant trophy, won the cocktail party, climbed a mountain and fucked like reality TV stars.

I do not always wake up feeling like P Diddy.